The Divorce by Freida McFadden - 48

48

Being a mother is wonderful. It’s amazing. It’s an experience like no other.

It’s also exhausting beyond words.

Dominic is two weeks old. Sometimes he sleeps. Those few hours are nice. And I love nursing him on my breast. It might be the greatest joy I have ever experienced. But if he’s not nursing or sleeping, he is screaming.

And for a tiny thing, he is awfully loud.

In the last twenty-four hours, I have only slept in hour-long snatches. Clay has been trying to help, but I’m the only person who seems to be able to calm him down completely. Although right now, nothing seems to work. Clay and I are passing him back and forth, but he just keeps screaming. His little face is beet red, and his toothless mouth is opened as wide as it can go as he hollers at the top of his lungs.

“Please, sweetheart.” I peck the top of his damp forehead as I pace the living room. He has actually worked up a sweat from all the crying. I feel my own tears coming to the surface. “Please stop crying for Mommy.”

Dominic screams in response.

I had no idea this would be so hard. I can’t say there aren’t moments when I am tempted to go back to my old bad habits when I am sleep-deprived and just wish the entire world would disappear like it did when I was high. But then I take one look at my son’s precious face, and I know I can never go back to that. He is my life now, and I must do everything in my power to protect him.

“Listen, Ronnie.” Clay holds out his arms to take the baby, an eager expression on his face. “Why don’t you give him to me? I’ll take him for a drive, and I bet he’ll settle down. And I can get more diapers while I’m out.”

We do need more diapers. It seems like Dominic goes through several diapers every hour. How could somebody so tiny produce so much poop?

Thank God for Clay though. He can sense that I am at the end of my rope, and he is stepping up to help out. I hand over the baby, who he carefully cradles in his arms.

He is turning out to be a great father.

Clay grabs the diaper bag without having to be told, and limping very slightly on his bad leg, he carries that and Dominic out of our apartment. The second he is gone, I collapse onto our mattress. A second later, I am fast asleep.