An Arcane Inheritance by Kamilah Cole - 25

Liam drove her back to Moneta in a silence broken only by the radio. Ellory had returned to the party but not to Liam, vacillating between emotions she wanted to sort before she hurt anyone but herself. Away from the lure of Hudson’s siren eyes, she was faced with the cold reality that her imagined tryst with Hudson had filled her with more passion than a single kiss from Liam. She yearned to be upstairs with him but hid in the living room until Liam found her instead.

Even under the haze of inebriation, Liam recognized the shift in her mood. After the first time she pulled away from his searching hands, he didn’t reach for her again. He’d sobered up with some food and water before asking if she was ready to leave, and he didn’t seem to mind that Ellory couldn’t look at him.

Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald crooned “Can’t We Be Friends.” She wondered if he’d chosen this song on purpose.

They eased to a stop in front of Moneta Hall. The jubilation of a frat party extended even here, where students milled out front, their laughter ringing through the air. Windows glowed on every floor, rooms alight with activity. Louis and Ella had moved on to singing about a lovely day for two people together despite the storm. Ellory stared into the rearview mirror, took in her flushed face and guilty eyes, and told herself to stop being a coward.

“Liam—”

“I know,” he said without looking up from the steering wheel. “You want to break up. Or I guess stop doing whatever we’re doing, since there’s nothing to break.”

Ellory’s shoulders slumped. “Yeah.”

Liam turned down the radio, until the jazz legends’ voices were reduced to a low hum. His hands gripped the wheel until his knuckles blanched, his shoulder muscles tight beneath his shirt. It was rare not to see a smile on his face, and the lack of one now made Ellory’s stomach swirl with guilt.

“I can tell when someone isn’t into me,” he continued, visibly relaxing inch by reluctant inch. “You were hard to read sometimes, but I could sense that you were losing interest. I guess I just hoped you might change your mind, since you hadn’t ended things yet.”

“I hoped I would change my mind, too.”

He pressed his forehead against the back of his hands so she could no longer see his expression, only the bounce of his dirty-blond hair as it fell over his forehead. Part of her was glad, because she no longer had any right to his raw emotions. The rest of her was just exhausted.

After this, she was not having any more hard conversations in people’s cars. It was claustrophobic, to be trapped in a vehicle with the consequences of her actions.

Liam’s throat bobbed. “It’s Hudson, isn’t it? You have feelings for him.”

Ellory didn’t deny it. She couldn’t. The guilt was thick enough to choke her.

“He’s a great guy,” said Liam, quietly. “He tries to act like he’s not, but he’s got a big heart. I think the two of you would be good together, in case you’re worried.” He lifted his head, and his expression had smoothed into something so falsely amiable that Ellory couldn’t look at him anymore. She stared out at the quad until she heard him clear his throat. “I don’t want you to think I’m taking this well because I didn’t like you. I really fucking like you, Ellory.”

“I know,” she said miserably.

“I’m glad you ended it before…before it got messier. I deserve to be with someone who likes me best, you know? And so do you. Even if it’s not me. I just…”

Ellory longed to touch her forehead to the cool glass, in the hopes that the chill would chase away the burning in her tear ducts. She longed to escape this car, in the hopes that racing to her dorm would put all this awkwardness behind them. She longed for the feelings she’d hoped would grow for him, because it would be easier to feel the same way, and she could do with a little ease in this school year.

Instead, she whispered, “You just what?”

“I just,” Liam continued apologetically, “wish that someone would choose me back. At least once.”

Her heart felt like it had ruptured. I want it to be you , she didn’t say. Hudson Graves was rude and superior. He ran lava hot and tundra cold. His mind and tongue were weapons, and he often made her feel so incensed that she wanted to throttle him. And none of it, not one substantial personality flaw, mattered when she was with him. All she wanted was to be the focus of his severe attention. All she wanted was to be close to the fire that burned deep within those cold brown eyes. All she wanted was to be shielded by his protective fury, inspired by his sharp intelligence, held by his surprisingly gentle hands.

On paper, Liam Blackwood was perfect. In practice, Hudson Graves was perfect for her.

Ellory stared down at her lap. “What happened between you and Farrah Mayhew? I met her at the party, and it seemed like… I don’t know. She speaks highly of you.”

“She broke up with me,” Liam said. There was an unspoken story behind those words, but Ellory didn’t pry. She didn’t have a right, after all. “We still see each other sometimes, but it’s—I don’t go where I’m not welcome.”

“I hate to be so cliché, but I really do hope we can be friends.” Ellory picked at a loose thread on her jeans. “I like you, Liam. I like spending time with you. I’m sorry I didn’t realize what kind of feelings I had sooner, but I don’t want to lose you entirely. If you’re ever up for it. It’s okay if you aren’t.”

A pale hand covered hers. She glanced up to find Liam watching her, his fawn-brown eyes gentle. There was pain there, but there was affection, too. The warmth of his touch was not the thunderous crackle of a lightning bolt but the comforting heat from a fireplace in the deepest winter.

“We’ll be all right, Ellory,” he whispered. “I’ll need some time, but…yeah, I think I’d be up for that. Someone has to call you out on your incorrect Sherlock Holmes opinions.”

She smiled, only slightly hesitant, and he managed to smile back. When his expression began to tremble, she knew she had overstayed her welcome. Liam withdrew his hand, and Ellory climbed out of the car. The wind numbed her ears, her stomach. Liam waved, and Ellory waved back, and with that, he was gone.

Her first college relationship was over with less fanfare than a daily weather report.

Liam’s car disappeared around the corner.

It’s Hudson, isn’t it? You have feelings for him.

Ellory buried her face in her hands, fighting the urge to cry as if she were the one who had gotten her heart broken.