Cover Story - 67

There was a ring at the door and Bel thought, I hope it’s Anthony, I could do with some free violence.

She answered it combatively, not caring who saw her eyes pink and puffy like this. She was confronted with a deeply apprehensive-looking Connor, hands thrust in front pockets of his jeans.

‘Hi …’ he said.

‘Er … hi!’

Bel wiped at her face as she stood aside. She did care if he saw her like this! Shit. She’d not anticipated it might be him for a single second.

Connor fully focused.

‘Wait, are you OK? What’s wrong?’

He stepped forward, possibly to put a consoling hand on her arm, and she stepped back as if he was contagious. No more physical affection, please, it’s sent me a bit mad.

‘Bel, what’s the matter?’ Connor said, leaving the door open behind him, too disconcerted by what he must think was Bel’s bad news.

‘Uh …’ Bel couldn’t think of what she could invent as cover story, or more to the point, if she should bother. She could also feel the risk of tears restarting if she started talking.

Confessing to him was a humiliation, but last night couldn’t really be topped anyway.

‘Would you believe me that you’re the one person I can’t tell?’ she said, stalling, trying for a playful tone, but she was already floundering.

‘I would, but I’d really like to be someone you can tell anything,’ he said, with a vulnerability she’d not heard before.

On his head be it then, Bel thought.

‘It’s this guy at work,’ she said.

‘Oh?’ Connor said, frowning.

There was a long pause while Bel summoned the courage and Connor added: ‘One of the ones I know, or someone I would be happier not knowing about? How many are in the Bel metaverse?’

‘No need to make me sound slutty,’ she smiled weakly, and Connor said: ‘I’m just anxious.’

Bel couldn’t make sense of that and ploughed on:

‘He’s … someone I couldn’t stand at first, and he didn’t like me either. We were thrown together by a job and got to know each other, and at some point, really hit it off. He stood up for me, again and again, in a way I don’t think anyone ever has. Somewhere along the line, the closeness we’d imitated became genuine for me …’

She paused, unable to read Connor’s shellshocked look. Bel hoped he wouldn’t think this was supposed to make him feel guilty.

‘… When I realised how I felt, I threw everything at it on the last night I had with him, made a clumsy attempt at seduction. He told me he didn’t want me that way. He saw us as friends. I know, so cringe. Except it turns out cringe was the least of my problems. Now he’s going back to London forever, and it turns out I had in fact …’ Bel cleared her throat ‘… fallen in love with him. I can tell, because my heart is broken and I can’t eat anything. Unusual for me, as you know.’

Bel wiped at her face and steadied her breathing. You could cut the air with a rubber knife.

She waited for horrendous, shrivelling regret at saying the L word, right into the face of the man who had made her feel it, to arrive. It didn’t. It turned out she’d grown so close to him, she wanted Connor to know. His insights were unmatched. Maybe Connor could tell her how to get over Connor.

‘That’s why you think he said no, he wanted you as a friend?’ Connor said.

‘Yeah. He said as much. I mean, it wasn’t a surprise. I would hate it if the big-headed bastard ever knew I said this, but when all’s said and done, I think he’s out of my league.’

‘No one is out of your league. There is no league above you.’

Bel smiled gratefully and couldn’t answer him or she’d bawl. Don’t be lovely and kind, honestly.

‘Is, uhm …’ Connor cleared his throat: ‘Is this guy at work, me?’

‘Yes,’ Bel said, one flat syllable she’d never forget having uttered.

‘Wow.’ He looked at her intently. ‘You and I have had some misunderstandings but we saved the biggest and best until last.’

She smiled and shrugged. Bel didn’t need him to let her down gently, she was already there.

‘Why are you here?’ she said.

‘Remember my brother left me a card, with strict instructions not to look at it until today?’ Connor said. He pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to Bel. She opened it and read:

You’re in love with Bel. Do something about it.

She looked up in surprise.

‘Shaun wrote this? About me?’

‘Yep. Can you believe his presumption? Based on one evening’s observation, too? I mean, for my brother to work it out I’d need to have been unable to tear my eyes away from you that night or stop talking about you. Maybe it was me pathetically criticising you for wearing “unprofessional knitwear” when he asked what your supposed faults were, as he thought you were amazing …’

She was speechless, heart thudding.

‘Bel, I have something to tell you …’ Connor paused. ‘Shaun’s right, I’m in love with you.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. I didn’t think you felt anything like I did, so I’ve been trying to style it out about wanting to keep you as a friend. I just wanted to keep you, full stop. Very much not as a friend.’

‘But you rejected me!’ Bel blurted, half in tears again, half-laughing. ‘I tried to grope you and you were all, no lustful hoes, thanks. One-night stands are bad news.’

‘They are, with people you haven’t told you’re mad about.’

‘But it only being a one-night stand was your premise, not mine?’

‘I was hinting that was what I didn’t want, so you could reassure me it wasn’t that.’

‘So, while being rejected I was expected to risk saying the thing you wouldn’t say?’

‘Yes. Shame on you.’

Bel burst out laughing. ‘I know you like an abundance of caution but arguing the case for the outcome you didn’t want, to test me, is next level.’

‘I know. No wonder my brother’s had to do me an Oblique Strategy card to break my own deadlock.’

‘To be fair, I did a version of this with your moving back in with Jen. That was the moment I knew that you were mine, and she couldn’t have you, and there I was, wisecracking light-heartedly that maybe you weren’t over.’

‘At least I strongly contradicted that.’

‘I had no way out of the stupid flippancy I’d started. How did I switch to, “you know how once upon a time, I didn’t like you? Well, now not only do I like you, I like you more than I’ve ever liked anybody”?’

At this declaration, Connor’s face was suffused with a happiness she’d never seen before.

‘Exactly the bind I was in. It’s almost like spending months pretending didn’t put us in the greatest place to start telling the truth.’

‘OK. Well, to put it all fully unambiguously out there, last night I was hoping one time led to lots of times,’ Bel said.

‘Now I know that, it changes everything. It’s quite life-changing information.’

‘Connor … Oh, hello?’ Bel said, over his shoulder.

They turned and Connor’s dad was in the doorway.

‘Sorry, you weren’t answering your phone and I’m bursting for a number one!’

‘Sorry, Dad, big conversation here … this is Bel. Bel, Dad …’

‘Hello, Mr Adams,’ she said.

‘Please, Stuart,’ he replied. ‘It really is quite urgent, if you don’t mind. It’ll happen to you too one day Connor, your warning zone just disappears …’

‘Thanks, Dad.’

‘Let me show you where the loo is – use the downstairs one through here …’ Bel ushered him through the guest bedroom and into the en suite.

She was dazed, occupying two time zones – some part of her was still sobbing on the sofa. Connor was in love with her too?

‘Bel …’ Connor caught her on the way back and pulled her into a kiss. Their first kiss fully as themselves, with the intensity of total sincerity and nobody watching. It was better than the first time. Bel got her wish to be seized.

‘God, I hope my dad has got a whole Lucozade Sport bottle’s worth,’ Connor whispered in her ear as he kissed her neck, and Bel shook with laughter.

‘Can I come back next weekend?’ he said, one hand on the side of her face.

‘I feel like I’d die if you didn’t,’ Bel said, looking into his eyes.

Just as she felt regret at being so purple, Connor said: ‘Same here.’

They were going to be like this now? They’d flicked a switch to total candour and it was the greatest turn on in Bel’s life to date.

‘What about you hating Manchester?!’

‘It turns out I really don’t.’

They were interrupted by Connor’s dad saying: ‘Oh God, that’s better. I had a bladder the size of a haggis.’