Dating After the End of the World - 33

The water from the shower pulses against the back of my head, massaging my thoughts, which are all over the place. I don’t know what to think anymore. As mad as I am at Blake, the feelings I have for him are still there, and I’m just waiting for them to subside. But I think I really convinced him they were gone, which should make it easier to get over him. At least, I hope so. That way I can get back to building a future with Nate.

“Casey,” a voice calls from the other side of the shower curtain, startling me. I didn’t hear anyone come in, and I could have sworn I locked the door. The only movement in the room is steam swirling in the air and water gushing from the showerhead.

“I’m sorry for earlier,” Blake says. “I didn’t mean to hurt your . . . fiancé.”

My breath hitches at the mere thought of him being close enough to touch. I don’t say anything. He sharply exhales and the room grows silent again, minus the sound of moving water. It’s like he’s waiting for me to say more, begging me to utter the words he so badly needs to hear. But I can’t bring myself to say them. This isn’t about harboring hatred for the boy he used to be; this is about his actions now, as a man. I can see he’s grown, evolved, because the old Blake would have never apologized.

“I’m leaving,” he adds when I don’t respond.

Immediately, my heart races, hammering inside my chest. My breaths turn short and fast, like I’m trying to catch them, and a spell of dizziness washes over me. He can’t be serious. I whip open the shower curtain, locking eyes with Blake while the water continues to rain down on my wet, naked body. He holds my gaze, never looking away for an instant. I kind of want him to look at me, to take me all in, but he doesn’t.

“No, you’re not,” I say, jutting my chin.

“I am, Casey. I’m on patrol tonight, but I plan to tell everyone tomorrow, and then I’ll leave the following day. That’ll give me time to wrap everything up here and figure out my next steps.”

“You don’t have to leave.” I practically choke on the sentence as a sob threatens to tag along with it. Tears fall from my eyes, mixing with the water from the shower, camouflaging my sadness.

“I do,” he says with a nod. “Besides, isn’t that what you wanted? For me to get the hell out of here?” He forces the corner of his lips up, adding a lightness to his words. He’s trying to make it look like he’s not hurt. But he’s not fooling me. I can see it in his eyes. I can hear it in his words. It’s practically written all over him.

“You know I don’t want that.”

“It looks like neither of us are getting what we want, then.” Blake shrugs.

“So, what? You’re just going to leave . . . and go where?” My eyes plead with him to be reasonable. If he could hear the beating of my own heart, he’d know it was pleading with him too. “There’s nowhere to go, Blake.”

“Nowhere is better than here.”

“Stop with the melodramatics,” I scoff. “Why can’t we just be friends?”

“I don’t wanna be your friend.” He drops eye contact, staring at his boots.

I want to stop his pain, take away his sadness, but that means I’d have to give it to Nate. Am I even making the right choice? Should my loyalty stay with Nate just because we were together before the world ended, just because I had more time with him? I really don’t know. I just wish things could be different.

“So, if you can’t have me the way you want me, then you don’t want me in your life at all? Is that right?”

He bites down on his lower lip, letting his teeth graze across it. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

“That’s selfish and petty and stupid,” I spit.

“It just might be. But I can’t watch you love someone else. It’d be like watching the world end all over again, and I don’t think I’d survive a second doomsday,” he says with a small chuckle.

His joke doesn’t land. It doesn’t land at all.

“I hate you,” I say, my lip trembling.

Blake stares back at me, like he’s trying to call my bluff, but I hold strong. Finally, he reaches up with his hand and grabs the top of the shower curtain, sliding it closed and separating us from one another again.

“Take care, Casey,” he says, and then he leaves the room, closing the door behind him.