Dawn of Chaos and Fury by Melissa K. Roehrich - 18

15

“ W hy can’t I just use my own arrows?” Tessa said with a scowl when Eliza handed her another normal arrow.

“Because your arrows are magic,” she retorted. “You need to learn to shoot regular old arrows. What if you can’t access your magic? Besides, we don’t need you turning the mountain into ashes.”

“They’re not ashes,” Tessa grumbled, nocking the arrow to her bow and taking aim.

Luka heard the crunch of boots behind him, but he didn’t take his eyes from the females below. He was sitting above them on a ledge, his legs dangling over the side. They likely knew he was up here, but neither of the females had acknowledged him. Which was fine. It was better this way.

He could tell by scent alone who approached. His own blood mixed with fire.

“She’s smart in how she trains her,” Luka said, watching while Eliza adjusted Tessa’s arm.

“She’s been training warriors for decades,” Razik replied. “She knows what she’s doing.”

There was a twinge at the words, and Luka realized a moment later it was jealousy. Jealous of what, he wasn’t entirely sure. Her training warriors? Or maybe it was her just being around warriors when something like that was in his blood. A part of him wanted to ask Razik about it, but the male would probably just spout a smart-ass comment, reminding him yet again how much he didn’t care that they were related. Which is why Luka was a bit shocked when Razik spoke again.

“Is it truly just you and Xan here? The only Sargon Legacy in the entire realm?” Razik asked.

Luka glanced at him sidelong, finding him studiously watching Tessa and Eliza.

“As far as I know,” Luka answered. “Then again, I thought I was the only one until…”

Until Tessa revealed the secret she’d been keeping.

“And Aiyana?”

“Again, I assume she’s dead, but I thought that about our father as well.”

He stiffened at the words, but Luka was done trying not to piss him off. Xan was their father whether Razik wanted to acknowledge that fact or not.

“You are not the only one in your realm?” Luka asked.

Razik shook his head. “Tybalt is there. Xan’s brother,” he clarified. “We also have a cousin there. He is half-Witch and Scarlett’s Guardian.”

Another blooded relative. Or two, actually.

“But Sargon Legacy are rare to begin with. The god only had seven children, supposedly picky about who he sired them with.”

“ Only seven?” Luka said with a scoff.

“For a being that has been alive for thousands of years, that seems like a relatively small number.”

“It’s probably more,” Luka said.

“Probably.”

A few silent minutes ticked by before Razik broke the silence yet again. “So you’ve been alone.”

It was a statement, and one that Luka stiffened at. “I had Theon and Axel.”

“But you had no one to help you hone your power. You did that all on your own,” Razik pushed.

“Why does it matter to you?”

“It doesn’t. Eliza forced me to try to…do whatever this is.”

Luka almost let the huff of laughter slip. “Are you saying your bonded forced you to try to bond with me?”

“Don’t say it like that,” Razik grumbled.

“What, exactly, do you want to know?” Luka went on. “My favorite color? Favorite food? Stuffed animal I had growing up?”

“Why the fuck did you have a stuffed animal growing up? Did you at least hunt it properly first?”

Luka finally turned to stare at him. “It wasn’t a real animal. What is wrong with you?”

“You are the one who brought up stuffed animals.”

“They are a child’s comfort object. What do you have in your realm for children?”

“Not stuffed animals,” he retorted.

Luka shook his head at the ridiculousness of the entire conversation, but some of it felt familiar too. Something stupid he’d argue about with Theon and Axel.

Knowing he really shouldn’t bring this up, Luka took a breath before he asked, “I know you read a lot. Like Theon. So in all those books, have you come across something to remove the collar from our— From Xan’s neck.”

It was another few seconds before Razik answered, “Not yet.”

“Yet? Are you looking?”

“I never said that.”

“Right,” Luka muttered, returning to watching the females. Tessa drew back the string on her bow, releasing the arrow a few seconds later. It missed her target, striking too low.

Neither of them spoke for another ten minutes before Razik said, “What are you going to do about her?”

Any tension that had bled from him returned, his back and shoulders stiffening. “What am I supposed to do about her?”

“You say she’s not yours, yet you protect her like she is.”

“Because I am to be her Guardian.”

“But you’re not yet, and it’s more than that. I know the pull of a bond. How hard it is to ignore it. How impossible, even when it’s all you want to do.”

“You denied Eliza?” Luka asked, the fiery female watching Tessa with her hands on her hips.

“She denied me,” he corrected. “I could never deny her a godsdamn thing.”

With those words, Razik stood, leaving Luka abruptly alone again. Something he was all too familiar with, even if Theon and Axel had been constantly around. There was still a loneliness there. Something associated with being the only one of his kind. A loneliness that had been nonexistent since Tessa had come around.

He sighed as he saw Razik below, making his way the few hundred feet down the rocky terrain rather than simply Traveling. Something softened on Eliza’s normally harsh features at his approach, and he leaned in, murmuring something in her ear that had her eyes filling with a desire Luka could see from where he still sat.

The female said something to Tessa, who waved her off, before taking another arrow from the quiver and nocking it. Apparently, she was content to keep practicing, but he knew that too. Knew she snuck into his training rooms inside the cave at night when everyone else was sleeping. Knew she went through all the routines she’d complained about when he’d been training her. Knew she was getting stronger, and not just with her magic. He could see it in the definition of muscles forming. In the set of her posture. In the quiet confidence that was growing more every day. He saw her. All of her. He both loved and hated it.

He waited until Razik and Eliza disappeared inside before he followed Razik’s path, debating how to bring this up with Tessa. They needed to continue a conversation from the other night, and she seemed… Well, she didn’t seem as consumed right now.

Luka knew she heard him approaching, but he moved with force anyway, making sure the crunch of rocks beneath his boots announced him. Tessa, of course, was barefoot. Eliza had argued with her about it, but had wisely dropped the argument after only a minute.

She stooped down to grab another arrow, not bothering to look at him when she said, “Xan can come out here with me if you feel the need to have me monitored.”

“Tessa,” he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “We need to talk more about this Guardian bond.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Luka,” she said simply, nocking the arrow, but he reached for her, halting her movements.

She stilled, gaze fixed on the spot where he held her elbow, and gods, he finally understood Theon’s obsession with understanding her emotions. Luka had always been able to read her, but right now? He had no idea what she was feeling or thinking. She was stoic and cold, and he wished this bond wasn’t so godsdamn broken. Then again, he wished a lot of things were different right now.

“Tessa,” he said, his tone unintentionally softer, but it had her lifting her eyes to his.

Her head tilted to the side, as if she was trying to figure him out as much as he was trying to figure her out. Maybe this was the way it was always supposed to be. He’d always berated Theon for not being able to understand her, but maybe Theon had been doing it right all along. Working to build something on a foundation that wouldn’t crumble to nothing with one choice.

Luka cleared his throat, dropping her arm and crossing his once more. But his dragon was preening at having her attention on him. She never looked at him anymore, and his magic was reaching, wanting. Apparently hers was too, but she didn’t bother to leash it like he was. It flowed around her like a black and gold flecked mist. Light and dark. Power. And his dragon wanted that. His black flames wanted that. Wanted to tangle with her, draw her in.

His arms had dropped to his sides, and he hadn’t realized he’d taken a step towards her until she took one back.

“We need to be able to be around each other,” he said. She opened her mouth to argue, but he stopped her before she got the words out. “At least for now. While we figure out our next moves going forward.”

They could worry about the necessary Guardian bond later. He just needed her to talk to him right now, and he knew pushing her on that topic was going to make her shut down immediately.

She studied him for a long moment, and he fought the urge to fidget. Gods, what the fuck was wrong with him? But her violet stare was penetrating and eerie as her magic swirled faintly in her eyes.

“I know your magic is a lot, and I know neither of us trusts the other right now. But I think we can agree we have a common goal,” he tried.

“And what is that goal?” she asked, taking a step to the right. “To leave this realm?”

He moved with her as he answered, “If that was your goal, you wouldn’t have destroyed our main way out.”

She hummed, taking another step and forcing him to turn to keep her in his line of sight. “Then what is our mutual goal, Luka Mors?”

“To survive until we can figure out what the fuck we’re going to do, and to do that, we need to work together.”

She hummed again, still moving. “Everyone has plans. You. Me. Your brother. Rordan. Valter. Tristyn. I bet even your father has a plan. He knows things. I know things. Th—” She stumbled when she almost said his name, but then resumed her movements. “Everyone knows things.”

“We’re past the point of keeping secrets, Tessa. It could mean the difference between death and survival.”

“Salvation or destruction?”

“Yes.”

She hummed, still holding her bow with the arrow nocked at her side. “Would you have liked to leave here?” she asked suddenly. “Would you have preferred to leave with your father and brother?” The question caught him off guard, and when he didn’t immediately answer, she added, “Should I not save him for you? I thought… What would you choose? If this world wasn’t damned and tyrants didn’t rule?”

“I would wish for my family,” he finally said. “The family I chose and formed over the years, not by blood. If you are asking me to choose one or the other, I would choose those brought into my life by the Fates.”

“The Fates want to kill me,” she said simply. “You side with them.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth.”

She was still moving, and he was still turning, and it was only then that he realized she was circling him. Like a godsdamn predator, footprints of her power left in her wake with each step. He felt his eyes shift at the realization, his power seeking and his dragon loving the idea of wrestling for dominance.

“All I am asking,” he gritted out, “is if we can call a tentative truce.”

“I was unaware we were fighting,” she replied, finally ceasing her stalking, and her head canted to the side again.

“We both need each other right now, whether we like it or not.”

Her brow furrowed. “I know you do not want me here, Luka. I have simply been giving you your space.”

The dragon in his soul snarled at the words, and he swallowed down an audible growl. He thought she’d been avoiding him, but she had been… She thought this was what he’d wanted. And it was, wasn’t it?

“We don’t have to figure out everything at once. We just need to take this day by day,” he offered, needing her to give just a little on this.

“One foot in front of the other? Just one step?” she asked, taking the smallest of steps towards him instead of continuing to circle him.

“Yes,” he answered, relieved she finally understood what he was saying.

She worried her bottom lip, appearing to debate something, before she nodded once. Whether to him or to herself, he wasn’t sure, but he’d take the small victory.

“Let’s work with your bow,” he said, jerking his chin to the weapon she still held at her side.

“We don’t have to do this,” she said, taking three steps back.

“I know Eliza has been training you,” he said. “I’ve been watching, and she’s smart to make you train without your magic. But you need to train with your power too, Tessa.”

“Really?” she asked, a thread of excitement sounding as the bands of light around her wrists flared at the words.

He almost smiled, but instead, he reached for the arrow she had nocked, pausing for a moment to see if she would pull away from him. When she didn’t, he took the regular arrow, moving to replace it in the quiver before turning back to her.

She was nearly bouncing on her toes as she let small tendrils of her magic free to float around her. If he was being honest, she’d learned a lot of control over these past months, even if it still overwhelmed her most days.

“Summon an arrow, and let’s see what you can do,” he said, a smile filling her face as she lifted a hand. There was a swirl of power before an arrow appeared, and he stepped closer, leaning in to study it. “Do you know what the markings are?”

Tessa shook her head, lifting her other hand and producing a dagger. “Do you?” she asked, holding the blade out to him.

He took it from her, the odd etchings bigger on the dagger, making them easier to see. But he didn’t know what they were. It was on the tip of his tongue to say they would ask Theon, but he stopped himself right before the words left his lips. Instead, he ground out, “We could ask Razik if he knows. Or Xan. Even Cienna or Tristyn.”

She nodded, worrying her bottom lip again and turning away from him to nock the arrow. They may not be in a great place right now, but he didn’t need the bond to know what she was thinking in this moment. Because while there were plenty of people they could ask about the markings, they both only wanted to ask the one who wasn’t here. And neither one of them was willing to say that aloud.

He shifted as he descended, his feet hitting the rocky ground a few seconds later. He’d needed the flight in the cool night air. Time to clear his head. He knew forcing himself to spend more time with her was going to have him questioning his resolve. His magic and the dragon in his soul were already pushing him back to her, but how could he possibly trust her, give her his loyalty, after she’d kept something so important from him? How did a person forgive that? Even if he did somewhat understand her reasoning.

He jogged down the stairs that led deeper into the cave. There was a small hall at the bottom, and he counted the empty frames on the walls to make sure they were still there. There were far too many people here who had overstayed their welcome.

There were also far too many dragons here.

He’d spent the rest of the afternoon working with Tessa on her archery, and then they’d all had a meal together. Which wasn’t out of the ordinary. Everyone usually ate dinner together so that only one meal had to be prepared. But everyone else seemed to have sensed the shift in their relationship. There were curious looks and roundabout questions, but mostly, everyone seemed more at ease because Tessa’s mannerisms were not as erratic.

Something that was confirmed when he stepped into the main living space to find his father on a sofa. He immediately stood when Luka entered, and Luka wasn’t sure how to interpret his tone when he said, “She’s been pacing around here for the last three hours.”

The entire time he’d been gone.

“Everything seems to be in order,” Luka replied, moving past Xan to grab a liquor bottle and pour a glass.

“She needs to sleep, Luka.”

Yeah, he knew that too. He didn’t need to be as close to her as he was today to see the lack of it wearing on her. Legacy and Fae rarely became sleep deprived. They didn’t need it like the mortals of the realm did. The Fae needed deep sleep to restore powers. Another reason Theon had been over-the-top with her schedule when they’d all thought she was Fae. And while Legacy didn’t need it for those reasons, as he’d told Tessa, they could only go so long before their magic capitalized on it and tried to take control.

Which is why he’d never said anything about her silently coming into his room at night and taking the shirt he’d worn that day. In fact, just like Theon used to do, he’d taken to leaving it out for her to find easily.

Luka sighed, taking a deep drink from his glass before he said, “Where is she?”

“She slipped into your room about twenty minutes ago, and she hasn’t come back out,” Xan answered. Then he hesitated, pushing a hand through his shoulder-length hair. “While Akira and I were not what you and Tessa are, I could help pull her back from the brink. She found solace with me, and that didn’t need the same…connection.”

“You mean you didn’t end up fucking her,” Luka said.

He was too tired for this. His father always tried to be delicate with these things while Luka was far more blunt like Razik. He supposed that was one thing he had in common with his brother.

Xan blinked once before something akin to disapproval appeared. “I’m saying that while you navigate what you want your relationship to be, you can still help her right now. Until something else can be figured out.”

“And you appear to have more of a soft spot for her than your own children.”

It was a low blow, but he was so godsdamn tired of everyone taking Tessa’s side in this. Everyone subtly hinting that he was making this a bigger deal than it was. Didn’t any of them realize Xan would likely still be in that fucking prison if it wasn’t for him? Or if Tessa had told him sooner, he could have been out a lot sooner? So many things could be different.

Xan cleared his throat, the collar at his neck glimmering in the low flames hovering around the room. “I have a lot of regrets in my life, Luka. I simply do not wish for you to have to live with the same, but I will not bring it up again.”

Luka said nothing, only knocked back the last of his liquor as he watched his father leave the room. One would think having the tension eased some with Tessa would put him in a better mood, but it was exactly the opposite. It was why he’d gone flying, but here he was.

With another sigh, he set the glass aside and made his way to his room. The door was closed, and it took him a long moment to find her in the dark room, forcing him to shift his eyes. When he found her, she was curled up in an armchair in the corner.

“Tessa?”

She said nothing, and he moved closer, finding her wrapped in one of his shirts and her eyes closed. Despite that, her hands were clenched around the fabric, magic flowing around them. Not letting himself think about it, he reached out, trying to pry them open, but he found her entire being tense and coiled tight. A soft moan of pure agony fell from her parted lips, and he told himself it was out of loyalty to Theon when he scooped her out of the chair.

She immediately melted into him, settling into his chest as he moved her to his bed, only opening her eyes when he pulled the blankets over her. Tessa blinked several times, her brow scrunching in confusion.

“Just for tonight,” he said gruffly, turning away from her to pull his shirt over his head. He tossed it to the corner, knowing she wouldn’t need it tonight, before he grabbed a pair of lightweight pants and changed into them.

She waited until he was climbing into the other side of the low bed before she rasped, “Why?”

“Because you need to sleep, Tessa.”

She fell quiet, and Luka propped his hand behind his head, staring at the ceiling while he waited. Within minutes, her breathing changed, just as he’d known it would, and shortly thereafter, she was rolling into him. He tensed as she nestled into his side, a hand resting on his abdomen while a leg slid over his. Then he loosed a long breath, forcing himself to relax. He let his magic out, watching it gently wrap around her while he slowly did the same with his arm. His dragon gave a satisfied rumble.

It was just for tonight. If he gave her this, let her get some much needed rest, she’d be fine for a while. They wouldn’t need to do this again for at least a week. Maybe two.

That was what he told himself over and over as sleep found him too.

That was what he told himself when he woke a few hours later to find himself curled around her. Her back to his chest. His arm keeping her held tightly to him. His face buried in her neck, her scent surrounding him. But even then, her arm stretched out, her hand seeking another that should be with them.

That was what he told himself when he jerked awake from his magic alerting him to someone crossing his wards around the cave. He was up and out of the bed, already half-dressed and working off pure adrenaline when he realized the bed was now completely empty. No blond hair fanned across a pillow or small form curled into a ball with the blankets thrown off. Apparently, they both slept more soundly when near each other. He knew that, of course, but that didn’t mean he liked admitting it. Or seeing such blatant evidence of it.

Still, someone had crossed his wards who wasn’t supposed to be here, and Tessa not being in his bed only had him hurrying to slide on his boots as he pulled a shirt on. He was nearly out the door when he saw the paper folded on one of the nightstands, his name scrawled across it.

Luka snatched it up as he left the room, reading as he went, but the more he read, the faster he moved until he was racing up the stairs and out into the crisp morning air. There was nothing here. No one here. Not her. Not her wolves. Not another living soul. Only a single off-white feather that he bent to pick up.

His heart beating far too quickly, the paper crumpled in his fist where he gripped it, reading the words over again.

Luka-

You once told me I don’t know how to let myself be loved, and I think you’re right. My entire life, I’ve tried to be what others wanted me to be. Mother Cordelia and the instructors at the Estate. Dex and Oralia. Then it was Theon. You. Rordan. Achaz. All these beings with expectations and ideals of what they thought I should be and do and become. In the end, I don’t think it’s my fault for not knowing how to be loved because for so long, I never was. I didn’t know how to recognize it. But you also told me I needed to find myself worthy and deserving. That I needed to fight for me, and because you taught me that, I know I don’t want ‘just for tonights.’ I know that’s all you can offer me now, and I understand why, but because of you, I know I can fight for more. That if no one wants wild and untamed and chaotic, then I am content to be alone now. Trying to conform to what this world, the gods, or the Fates think I should be is no longer something I wish to strive for. I simply want to be free of it all because that is what I’m deserving of.

I know I did this to us, and sometimes consequences are as lasting as our immortal lives. I won’t ask for your forgiveness, because that is indeed not something I am deserving of. But I will say again, I am sorry, Luka. I am sorry I betrayed you so deeply. I am sorry we found each other only for me to be less than what you needed and expected. I am sorry I took so much from you. Being the grandchild of a god is lonely, and I’m sorry to leave you alone.

But while I don’t know how to let myself be loved, I think I did learn how to love. How to give another freedom when it is what they desperately seek. How to sacrifice and hurt and bleed for another to allow them to live a life they deserve. It is all I have left to make amends with. While I know you have found your father and brother, I know that is not what you want. So I saved him for you. Or I’m trying to. I will. We will save him for you. We will save him, and then we will leave so the Fates can hunt us elsewhere and maybe the two of you can find a way to bring peace to a broken realm. If anyone can do it, it will be the two of you. You deserve a life of freedom as much as I do.

Thank you for trying to love me. Thank you for giving me the chance to be loved by you. Thank you for believing I am deserving of so much more. I’m sorry it took me too long to figure it all out. I’m sorry I was too late. But I don’t regret our nights. Thank you for the time you did give me. Thank you for the training and the oranges and the flip-flops. I don’t know how to let myself be loved, but I know I love you. Differently from him and yet somehow the same. Thoroughly. Completely. Forever.

Eternally Yours

He still held that godsdamn feather, and he turned, racing back inside, all but leaping down the stairs.

“Razik? Blackheart? Xan? Who’s awake?” he yelled into the silence.

It shouldn’t have surprised him his father was the first to appear, everyone else a few seconds behind him. It also shouldn’t have surprised him Cienna was already in the kitchen, a cup of tea in her hands and violet eyes pinned on him.

“You already know,” Luka said tightly, holding her stare.

“I do now,” she answered.

He didn’t have time for her vague answers. He turned to the others, holding up the feather. “Is this what I think it is? A fucking seraph feather?”

“Where is Tessa?” Xan asked instead.

“Answer me!” Luka demanded.

Razik stalked forward, taking the feather from him and examining it before he said, “That’s what it looks like to me.” He lifted his eyes to Luka. “Is she gone? Did she go back to them?”

She’d left.

And he didn’t know if she’d willingly gone with them or not, but this sure as fuck looked like she had. Surely one of them would have heard a struggle. Been alerted to it. Her godsdamn wolves would have done something.

But he didn’t know what her plans were or what she was thinking because he’d pushed her away too much.

More than that, he knew this was a crossroads. His own version of salvation or destruction. She’d given him an out. Now he was left to decide if he was going to take it.