Through Mom's Eyes: Simple Wisdom From Mothers Who Raised Extraordinary Humans by Sheinelle Jones - 17

Last summer, I traveled with my kids on a vacation for the first time since my husband, Uche, passed. As we boarded the plane, I was struck by the simple truth that life for my family is no longer what I always imagined it would be.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes as it sank in that our party of five is now a party of four.

Over these months, we have had to learn to adapt to our new normal and cope with waves of grief, which, thankfully, have been tucked into even stronger waves of love. The overwhelming flood of support from family and friends, and even viewers, who have sent comfort and prayers feels like grace. It is that grace that keeps me going, almost like a gentle breeze, reminding me to breathe.

My children and I have not exactly “moved on” like so many well-intentioned people have encouraged us to do, but we have moved forward with Uche in our hearts. As I write this, we are still in the midst of our “fragile year of firsts,” as one friend called it: first Father’s Day, first back-to-school days, first Thanksgiving and Christmas, and first birthdays, all of them different than before.

If you’ve ever had even a small taste of it, you know. It can feel unrelenting and exhausting at times, but it can also show you that you’re capable of more than you ever thought. Bottom line: I get out of bed every morning, put one foot in the front of the other, and do my best—and sometimes when I least expect and most need it, that gentle grace eases my way.

Whenever feelings of doubt or inadequacy show up, I quickly try to imagine what Uche would do. He approached every task with a fierce determination to conquer it. With that in mind, I know he would want me to keep going. Frankly, he’d want me not just to “keep going,” but to knock it out of the park. So that’s what I’m trying to do for him, for myself, and as an example to our kids.

It almost blows my mind to think that I set out to do this series on motherhood with no idea that the wonderful women featured in this book would help me to feel less alone during the darkest days of my life. I am so thankful for this project, as it gave me a sense of purpose when I needed it most. If reading it has brought you even a little bit of the comfort and clarity it has given me, then I’ve done what I hoped I would. No matter where you live or what you’re juggling as a mom, we all need each other now—in some ways more than ever.

Let’s face it. The world my kids and yours will inherit feels different, looks different, and is different from the world of our childhoods or our mothers’ or grandmothers’. But some things don’t change. Every mother still longs for her child to be well and do well. To grow strong and feel good about themselves. And to see in us what we want to develop in them—confidence, self-respect and respect for others, gratitude and grace, and self-love enough to carry them over the hurdles and hurts they’ll have to face and overcome so that they may thrive.

It’s a tall order. Some days, it feels monumental. But the women in this book managed—and so will you.

In spite of their very different backgrounds, families, and lives, deep down the moms who candidly shared their stories here are just like you and me. We want our children to succeed. We constantly question if we have what it takes to get them there. We’re doing the best we can. And we have to have faith that it will be enough—that we will be enough .

My hope is that my journey and the stories in this book help you to feel seen and encouraged, validated and reassured. In fact, that’s how I hope you feel now, as our time together in these pages winds to an end. I hope these gems have helped to lift your spirits, boost your confidence, and ease your guilt and anxiety. There is no one great way to mother your children, and no smooth, perfect path to helping them become their own best selves.

Every child is different. Ultimately, only your child can define what success means for them, and only you can determine what success as a mother looks like for you. Hard-earned advice from moms who have already sort of been where you are can help, but as you curate a vision for yourself and your child, all that really matters is what you see through your eyes. Through Mom’s Eyes exists to remind you that you’re not alone.

I was almost finished writing this book when I realized that, in the midst of inviting all these amazing women I’d never met before to share their mothering wisdom with me, I had not asked the woman I knew best and admired most—the one who raised me. When I did, my mom didn’t skip a beat in recalling Grandmama’s most lasting advice to her when she was growing up:

Pretty is as pretty does. No matter how pretty you are on the outside, who you are on the inside is what matters.

Always wear clean underwear. You might end up in the emergency room and you don’t want to embarrass your daddy! (Remember, my grandpapa was a physician.)

Always carry yourself in a manner that will bring only honor to yourself, your family, and your community.

Develop a relationship with your child so that they feel safe talking to you about anything.

Keep a no-judgment zone around you.

Listen in love, and counsel in wisdom.

It turns out the list above echoes a lot of what Mom taught me, and what I now try to teach and model for my children. As I said earlier, so much changes over time—but the best lessons transcend change and time. Toward that end, I hope you’ll record your own bits of mothering wisdom to return to yourself as life goes on and to, perhaps, pass on to your children.

I will never stop rooting for them. Most of all, though, I’ll never stop rooting for you!